The Journey Part 2: The Struggle
Author's Note: I wrote Part 1 of this series never intending a Part 2. I simply was amazed at the power of setting goals and I wanted to share that with my clients. Then, on my own journey, I began to have some struggles. And I realized you would as well. That motivated me to write this next part.
Have you set them yet?
Challenging goals. Goals which are SMART; specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound.
If you haven’t, go back and read the first article. Get fired up and set some goals for yourself!
If you have, how are you doing? Hit any walls? Faced some stress and struggles?
Well, of course, you did! You set challenging goals. You didn’t think it would be easy did you?
“Wait Tim, last article, you talked all about the brains ability to rewire itself, to actually adapt to the demands placed on it. You said if we set specific challenging goals that our brains would help us to achieve them”
Correct, I did. So why does it feel like sometimes your brain is working against you?
Are you ready for a Captain Obvious-type statement?
The brain is complex. No applause please.
Neuroplasticity, its ability to adapt and form new synaptic connections due to experience and learning, can be positive or negative. We’ve all learned behaviors and coping strategies over our lifetimes that we revert to and, if we are honest, not all of them are good coping skills. While your brain is capable of rewiring to help you, it is just as capable to rewire in ways that may not feel beneficial to you.
Remember, your brain is only interested in your survival, the behaviors it “suggests” are behaviors that have worked for you in the past and will likely work in the short term, while not always being in your long-term interest.
The brain is built to detect when your circumstances are outside of its comfort zone and to warn you with certain physiological signals (picture the fight or flight response). Within reason, as we experience things outside of our comfort zone, our brain can become more resilient to the stress you experience.
If something is very far outside of its comfort zone, it may;
“Bring up life experiences, fears, and other things that may persuade you to be "realistic" and not to do what you just got excited about. This is your brain's way of protecting you by convincing you to stay in your comfort zone and do the same thing that has kept you alive this many years” [2]
Our brain is constantly evaluating the value of engaging in a behavior versus the cost of doing it and how much mental stress it will cause to endure the task. Under normal circumstances, our brain can weigh the scales properly and make a good decision if a task is worthwhile or if you can complete it.
However, as you become systemically physically and emotionally fatigued, it becomes easier to slowly deteriorate into more exaggerated and negative evaluations of our situations. Making it more likely that we will choose to give up, not because we actually “need” to, but because our brains were not properly able to evaluate the situation.
As you may have noticed, there is a huge difference between your brain keeping you from doing an activity legitimately beyond your ability or dangerous versus keeping you from doing something because it is overstressed and fatigued. We want your brain to do the former, but not the latter. The problem can be that your brain doesn’t distinguish.
Examples of the former (legitimate protection):
If you’ve never run a marathon before and the farthest you’ve run is from your front door the entire twenty feet to your car because you were late for work, then when your brain tells you not to run 10 miles today, it is because you are not up to the task yet. You will very likely hurt yourself attempting to run 10 miles if you have not built yourself up to the task.
Another example, you stand on the very edge of a 200 feet tall cliff, the soil is loose and crumbling and the wind is attempting to blow you over the side. Your brain is going crazy telling you to take a step back. That is a legitimate response.
Examples of the latter (over reaction):
You are training for a marathon and routinely run 10+ miles. You have no injuries, your joints are in good shape, but your brain is telling you to quit and not go for your planned 10 mile run that day. Aside from lots of other life stressors going on, there is nothing physically preventing you from running. That is your brain reacting to the build up of life stress (physical and emotional) and viewing your planned run through a distorted lens, making it appear far worse than it actually will be.
When everything is working normally, it works like this:
“Internal reactions to an external stressor includes activation of the stress-response systems, such as increases in cortisol and epinephrine, changes in levels of inflammatory and immune mediators, cardiovascular reactivity, and metabolic and hormone activation. These are normal and adaptive responses to stress and result in physiologic stability in the face of an external challenge. After an acute external stress or challenge, these systems revert to normal baseline states. However, when the stressor becomes chronic and unbuffered by social supports, dysregulation of these systems may occur…or burnout” [4]
When we fail to correct our brain's distorted thinking, the problems get worse. Because our brains are always remodeling, if we don’t train them correctly, they will continue remodeling in a way that is ultimately detrimental to our health. This is when we see stress pour over into chronic inflammation, sleep issues, depression, etc.
We are not without hope. Resiliency, our brains ability to handle and adapt to stress, fortunately, it is not a trait that you either have or you don’t, it’s a skill that can be improved with practice and with certain choices.
Improve your Brain’s Resilience
#1: Sleep
The number one way to improve your brain's resilience is to get good quality sleep. This is not an article about sleep so I won’t delve into details, but a good night of sleep is made easier by proper nutrition, caffeine cut off (time will vary based on tolerance), daily exercise, a relaxing nighttime routine, decreased stimulation (think no electronics close to bedtime) and a cool dark atmosphere in the bedroom.
#2: Exercise (and good nutrition)
The number two way to improve resilience is physical exercise. You knew I would sneak that in there. But I am a personal trainer so many of the people reading this will likely say:
“What if the area of life that you stressed about and where you feel like a failure is physical exercise?”
May I suggest setting smaller intermediate goals?
This goes back to the idea of proper goal setting. If you decided on a specific challenging goal of losing 50 pounds but gave yourself no intermediate landmarks to mark your progress and achievement, then you set yourself up for failure.
You need little goals and objectives along the way to your larger goal because they will serve two functions depending on circumstances. (1) They allow you to experience small victories and (2) allow you to reassess and strategize if you miss the mark. Further, if the goal is intermediate, it is likely not big enough to cause you stress the way your longer-term target goal may.
Using myself as an example, I recently hiked 20 miles on Presidents Day as I progress towards hiking a full marathon in a day (26.2 miles). I did not achieve this overnight. Had I tried to hike 20 miles even a few months ago it would have been a recipe for failure. But I have been purposely training towards this goal, gradually increasing my mileage both in terms of individual hikes and in terms of cumulative weekly mileage.
If you are struggling with nutrition, the solution is likely to be similar, i.e. intermediate goals.
Many of you have likely been surprised at how simplistic some of my nutritional advice can be. Often my first piece of advice for a client after reviewing their food log is simply to increase their protein by one serving. They may be far from where they need to be, but in terms of the best single decision they can make with the most bang for your buck and highest chance for compliance, it is adding a bit of protein.
The type of person who can radically overhaul their entire way of living or eating is rare. For behavioral modification, it is important to focus on one or two behaviors at a time. Trying to do too much at once is asking for more stress than your brain is currently capable of and thereby setting yourself up for failure.
#3: Mindfulness
A third way to improve your brain’s resilience is mindfulness. There are a variety of strategies that fall under this category.
“Unlike simply relaxing, mindfulness requires an active component of awareness that asks us to question our thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness gives us the ability to pause and observe the mind. Within that pause, there’s space for new perspectives which can break our habitual reactivity to stress. [7]
Mindfulness Strategies:
A. Identify a Role Model
One way to reframe an experience is to seek out an identifying role model that exhibits the qualities we desire in such a situation. Maybe it is a friend or family member who has dealt with the same thing. Maybe there is a leader you admire whose composure and stamina under stress are admirable. The point is that you need to know that the same potential exists within yourself. [1]
If you follow me, you know that I have been posting quotes from Nimsdai Purja, an astonishing individual who has set numerous records in the mountain climbing world. While I do not plan on climbing mountains, I do plan on climbing many hills. His positive attitude and physical discipline have encouraged me to realize more of my potential.
B. Radical Acceptance and Impermanence
All things have a beginning, a middle and an end. Whatever stress you are under will end as well. Once you’ve accepted that you are in the midst of it, the question becomes, what do you do now with the time you have?
“You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events” [6]
“The truth of impermanence is revealed through the practice of mindfulness. By curiously paying attention to our own breath, thoughts, emotions and the world around us, we notice nothing lasts forever. Everything is in a continual process of change, and anything could change for the better at any moment. Impermanence encourages unattachment. Rumination acts in the opposite manner. Obsessively re-thinking the past keeps us trapped there, attached to our resentments.” [7]
I posted a quote from Nimsdai, where he reminds us that pain is temporary, but failure is forever. I can tell you during my recent long hikes, I have had to use this mindfulness strategy. I have heard my brain telling me to turn around and give up. But, stepping back mentally from the situation allowed me to recognize that in a few hours, I would be back to my car driving home to a warm bath.
I recalled that I have successfully completed many similar hikes in the past and they always leave me with a sense of accomplishment; how much better to have that feeling then a feeling of having quit without giving my best. Having reframed the situation, I can move forward with a better attitude.
C. Learn from the Struggle
Stress and failure will happen so we may as well take away valuable lessons from it. What those lessons are will be highly individual to your situation. Often people who have experienced hardship report “better relationships, a greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.” [6]
This one corresponds nicely with my Christian faith. The Book of James chapter 1 and Romans chapter 5 both talk about this idea of growing through struggles to become stronger individuals.
D. Journaling
A strategy that I have asked clients to do at times and that I employ as well. It combines the habits of Radical Acceptance/Impermanence and Learning from the Struggle. If exercise is an area you struggle with, journal how you feel prior to a workout, then journal how you feel during and after as well. Be honest. Go back and review.
Often, you will find that in your journal, you felt poorly before the workout, sometimes both physically and emotionally, only to feel better after the workout. In fact, usually you can notice the change during the workout, not immediately, but after 10 minutes or so. Once you have journaled for awhile and see the pattern, this should help your brain start to reframe how it sees exercise.
Having documented many of my hikes, I am learning when I tend to struggle and I am prepared before the hike to handle it.
E. Take Care of Yourself
Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. I have talked about this idea before in past videos, here and here for two examples. For me, hiking allows me to destress and spend time with my Lord and Savior.
F. Make Connections
Having great relationships with people who will listen to your struggles helps build resilience. And make sure you are listening to them as well!
* This list is not exclusive, these were simply the techniques/ideas that I found most personally helpful.
Please do not be turned off by the name “mindfulness”, it’s not New Agey nor do you have to chant mantras or wear a robe. These mindfulness ideas are researched back behavioral modifications that you can choose to add to your life.
If I had to simplify these activities into one phrase of advice, I would say “take a step back”.
For little kids, we’d call it taking a time out. Why take a timeout? Because the physical and temporal space created by the timeout is meant to allow time to reflect on the situation from a more objective perspective. Surely you see the parallel from the sports world, where a timeout is a way to reassess a stressful situation.
You may not always be able to physically remove yourself from a situation, but mentally, you can take a step back. As you do, and your heart rate returns to normal, your brain begins to think clearly as emotions calm and you can more rationally see that there is a way through this stress that does not end in failure.
Let’s apply my simple phrase to each of the methods listed above.
Take a step back and identify a role model. It is quite likely that someone has successfully gone through and experienced what you are going through at this moment.
Take a step back and realize nothing lasts forever, this stress will pass. Even if the outcome is not as you intended.
Take a step back and write about your experience, how you felt before, during and after. This is a great tool to be objective but also to learn from the struggle. You will identify areas which you can correct and approach differently the next time you face a similar struggle.
Take a step back and make sure you were adequately prepared for the task. Maybe you failed or faced more stress than normal because you were not taking care of yourself. Starting the harshest diet or most extreme workout plan after a week of late nights and early mornings due to work obligations? Probably not the best idea. Proper sleep and nutrition will do wonders to make the same task feel much easier. The task didn’t change, but the physical and mental condition in which you approached it did.
Take a step back and spend time with those you love. There are people in your life who will support and encourage you in your efforts to create a brand new you. Tell them your plans and desires and support them in their efforts as well.
Take a step back and wait for the next article in this series!
Until then, practice these ideas, or simply pick one or two that really speak to you. And be sure to let me know what type of progress you are making toward your goals!
References:
8. Mindfulness and the Brain: What does the Research Say
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